Detective Show Idea

The Second-Hand Sense
Don Brissick is a New York homicide cop with a difference... he can communicate with the lead characters of TV series which feature people communicating with the dead! With this valuable second-hand knowledge he can solve crimes, but his strange ability to call people on the phone causes problems in his personal life. Co-starring the leads of Haunted, Tru Calling, Medium, Ghost Whisperer, Rescue Me...

Indiana Jones 4 going ‘Straight-To-Brain’

The makers of the long awaited ‘Indiana Jones 4’ today announced that rather than being released theatrically, on TV or DVD, it will instead be going ‘Straight-To-Brain’.
“We reasoned that any film we made could never meet up with the expectations of the fans” said Steven Spielberg, director and co-producer of the imaginary film. “So instead we decided we’d just announce its existence and then every fan can enjoy the superior version already existent in their heads.”
Along with the advantages of saving money on actors, special effects and film, this ambitious new method of release means that there is no limit to the film’s content.
“It can be five hours or five minutes long. It can feature young Harrison, old Harrison, Indy as a giant squirrel, whatever.” enthused George Lucas. “ It can transcend all copyright and physical logic. And the beauty part is if we keep the merchandising vague enough, we’ll still make a mint. Damn, wish I’d done this with the Star Wars prequels.”
“My favourite scene is where Indy fights the giant snake monster deep in the heart of the ancient Aztec city.” gabbles Ferdy Grove, a fan. “ At first he’s all like, ‘why’d it have to be a snake’, but then he remembers the advice his Dad gave him before he was killed by the sexy ninjas, and he kills it with the Dagger of Megiddo.”
“I’ve imagined in 10 times already, and I’m going to imagine it again tonight!” yells hardcore Indy fan Robert Talbot. “It’s fantastic how he teams up with Blade, the Predator, and even Han Solo! How’d I come up with this stuff??”

Did you? DID YOU?

-Did you know Orson Welles was briefly a suspect in the Black Dahlia murder?
-Did you know that 'Whatnot' is the term for a multi-purpose customisable muppet who can be altered to fit sketch or song requirements?
-Did you know Clive Sinclair used Z, X and Q in his product names because they're the least used in the English language?
-Did you know my current profile photograph is in fact Marcello Mastroianni in 'Divorce, Italian Style'?
-Did you know it was my 27th birthday yesterday?
-Did you know that only one of these facts can't be found online?
...
-Did you know that the above is no longer true now that I've written this post?

A brief outburst of doggerel

Adam and Eve were asked to leave
After The Lord's inspection
It was the first recorded case
Of pastoral ejection.

Not too sure about this one.

Edinburgh Festival, Proper Day 1

I write this with one hand, slumped against a wall, my clothes mere tatters of tatters, my bank account has grown eyes so that it may weep.
I have enough flyers to hide Scarborough. I've seen a gecko-man, Brazilian dancing trash-aliens and nuns, and time travellers, and I've charged through the angry rain with a howling child in a bubble. I've eaten in a Quaker Environmentalism cafe and I almost went to see about 10 plays.
I actually saw 2. Well, 1 play and 1 Puppet improv session. More of which, later.

Edinburgh Festival Day 1

Except not really. I've just arrived tonight and so far have just installed myself on the sofa of the apartment my sister rented. I'm here to see her in an adaptation of Frankenstein, and generally help wrangle her mutant spawn. I'm going to try to offer a bit of my view of Edinburgh, which, to be honest, is either going to be monumentally bizarre or just quite boring. Oh look... wandering people.

A Serge In Popularity

According to Dave Freedman, 'Aaagh, It's The Mr Hell Show!' is finally coming out on DVD. Um, eventually.
I contributed a huge raft of sketches to the show but my most significant contribution was writing all the episodes of 'Serge The Seal Of Death'.
I don't claim to be the sole author. The writing in the series was done Simpsons style, like all-in Greco-Roman wrestling, but with ideas instead of oiled up sinews. Everyone had a hand in re-writing the material and Dave Freedman and Alan Gilbey oversaw the whole deal. It was immensely fun.
However the first drafts of Serge episodes were invariably written while I was at university, jittery from a diet of just Red Bull and Wheat Crunchies. They were a controlled explosion of creativity, usually starting out as a poison crayon letter to whatever subject I was satirising, but quickly crystallising into a semi-random series of joyful gags. I was influenced by the vindictive surrealism of Milk and Cheese and Sam and Max and while I never created anything as unique or brilliant as those characters I still think Serge was generally pretty funny*. It's also still the first thing I've ever written that was banned.Well, an episode was, for really stupid reasons. But it still helps my sadly dusty bad boy credentials.
I'd love to think that once it's released on DVD the show might reach the audience it deserves (organ transplant patients, Monkhouse fetishists, Icelandics) and Serge will become an icon to, well, hundreds. But at the moment he lives in quiet retirement in his secret arctic hideout.
At the moment.

*Except for that one that I didn't really write.

Weekend Puzzle

Badger Vs Goat

Isn't it a lovely one, and just the proper style.

Another Robotic Hat image, this time from my loveable father, John Jessup. Run! Run from the malevolent Sombrerobot! Fantastic. I'd certainly like a lot more of these sprinkled around the place, so if anyone else would like to send me a picture of a Robotic Hat, please feel free to send one to my email. The best one of this decade will win a big prize! And then they'll all be auctioned for charity. And a certain, high profile film director told me he's looking for new collaborators and will only look at contributions that come in the form of drawings of Robotic Hats.

My creative process

First I have to get greased up with the liquid from the inside of a magic Eight-ball. It's not as expensive as you'd think as long as you can get a bulk rate. Specially treated goggles and gloves on. Tin-foil in the ears.
Then I have to provoke my brain to meet with me. This has become more difficult in past years as I've exhausted the series of ruses I've used to lure him out, so I now have to offer him points of discussion that genuinely interest him. I then have to engage him on these topics for a couple of hours, however long it takes for him to get his guard down.
Then we wrestle. It's not pretty and it's not for the crowds. We get down on the floor and although he has the size advantage he has no arms or legs so I've got the leverage and I act like I've got all the time in the world. I haven't, but as long as I project that aura I've got the lead on that big pink squishy bushwacker.
When he's finally on his back I tap him. I have to use a 5 foot long titanium needle, rubber-tubed up to a small quantum singularity. The juice of creativity comes out quickly and is trapped by a carefully adjusted mesh so it doesn't shoot down into the wormhole. Then when I've enough to be getting on with I shut down the system, unscrew the cap and pour it into a mould. Straight into the walk-in freezer and I'm done for the day.
Then I knit.

D'Istraction

D'Israeli the D'Emon D'Raughtsman, one of my favourite artists, has a fascinating blog which details how he's created his recent art, particularly for the sequel to the grimly and grimily enjoyable Scarlet Traces. Although obviously the world and her husband have a blog now, Matt Brooker's (D'Israeli isn't his real name?) is of a consistently good quality, which is more than I can say for the pile of rusted words I dish out here.
A while back I had a copy of D'Israeli's classic D'Adventures Of I.S.R.A.E.L.I., written by Molly Eyre*, but I sent it to a man who was at that time a relative stranger and have no idea if he still has it. D'Israeli's art has a brilliant kind of angular chewy quality, the triangle to Frank Quitely's bouncy circle. He deserves to be as popular as Quitely and you know what? He still might be.

Shiny Pulsating Sitcom Ideas

Jack and Jack and a further Jack
Three men discover they all have the name Jack. What a coincidence! They kidnap all six of their parents and subject them to physical and psychological torture to discover why this is so. Michael Haneke's sitcom-writing debut.

Pokey pokey pokey
Rather than carefully cultivating irritating mannerisms and character traits in the main character, this show will side step all sophistry by making the main character repeatedly jab people with his forefinger over and over again.

These are all my books and you cannot touch them
A cultured 40 year old man with OCD locks himself in his library and performs monologues to camera about the measures to which he goes to prevent people touching them, interspersed with pie recipes. ABC has commissioned 13 episodes as a mid-season replacement for Grey's Anatomy.

Draw Breadth

I've always been able to do sketches, visualise characters and settings, draw simple storyboards and designs. But I've never had any formal art training beyond GCSE level. Perspective, proportion, light sourcing, using any material beyond a biro or pencil, these are concepts I'm familiar with, but they're estranged cousins that I accidentally insulted while drunk. Anyway, I've decided to change that, improve my art skills, and in a year's time start my own regular webcomic (that's the gun to my head). I'm going to use all my possible resources, from all the artists I know, to art books, television programmes and a montage sequence or two to speed up the process. I'll keep you all informed as to my progress, and post some examples of my...attempts.

Where did you get that Robotic Hat?

At the UK Web and Mini Comics Thing I asked Beaver and Steve creator James Turner to do me a sketch of Beaver wearing a Robotic Hat. This is the brilliant result. (If you really like it you can buy his new book here)
When I decided to name this blog I didn't just want to call it 'Joel's Blog' or 'An Animation Writer Writes About Animation Writing and Animation' (although that last one could be acronymised as AAWWAAWAA! which is quite cool). I wanted it to have an individual identity beyond being just my writings, something which could outgrow its inventor, like a mechanised replica of my brain, ready to escape in the night and seek its own fortune in the big city.
A Robotic Hat.

New Ways To Tell Stories

Just a quick post about The Adventures Of The Little People, a beautifully designed storybook comic that's being posted serially at the Barbelith Underground messageboard. Lovely designs with a bizarrely dystopian theme, like a 2000AD storyline told with jelly sweets. Also check out the creator's slightly scary website.