Unsuccessful Sitcom Ideas

1- Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe
Five gay elderly men run a bric-a-brac store that is constantly on the verge of being visited by Terence Stamp.
Typical episode: Alexander constructs a display stand of slightly fire-damaged Superman II memorabilia. Will this finally entice Mr. Stamp to enter the shop?

David Max Freedman: The Unseasonable Truth

Part One: The Suits
I once had an odd dream. Dave Freedman, my long-time friend, mentor and wunderkind producer/writer, turned up at my house at about 9pm at night. I was winding down for the evening and rather surprised to see this uninvited yet always welcome chap.
“I’m getting rid of some of my suits, but I wondered if you’d like to try some on and see if they fit you” Said Dave, despite being a bit shorter than me, then proceeded to produce them.*
A tux jacket worked quite well, if a little tight around the armpits, but then Dave suddenly unfolded a suit of shiny gold. I put it on, and despite giving me a game-show hostesque air, I was rather taken with it.
“It used to belong to Elton John!” Dave suddenly exclaimed. “Or so the tailor claimed.” Somehow it supernaturally fit my larger frame.
What does this dream mean? Well, for one thing, it wasn’t in fact a dream.
What it means in real terms is that I went to my sister’s wedding wearing Elton John’s golden suit. All thanks to Dave Freedman.
More soon.


*Not in the sense that he supervised and controlled their finances, creation, and public presentation.

Sweet In Tooth And Claw

Managed to finally see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Wednesday. I feel I may be ready to talk about it now. No matter how much of a cliché it might be to refer to the film as insane, or disturbing, or ‘dark’, I can’t help my gut reaction, which is similar to that of a ferret, roughly shaved and then put into a tumble-dryer with a handful of barley sugar for 2 hours.
This film was like a monumental collision of all the neuroses and moralities of those involved in one loud, sticky mess. You had Roald Dahl’s original story, with gleeful ironic punishments for all the little kids who embodied his least favourite traits (Being Spoilt, Being Greedy, Being American And Watching Television), then mixed it up with a whole bunch of new value judgements for the 21st century (Pushy mothers! Modernisation! Scary Computer Games!) and then had the whole thing directed by twisted design genius Tim Burton. It looked great all the way through but was essentially another one of his stories about a pale misunderstood outsider.
The expansion of Wonka’s background was particularly unwieldy, and I have to agree with cuddly goth icon Neil Gaiman when he said:

Dahl wrote Charlie's story, and that's the film Burton begins with, but it hiccups in the middle of the film and turns into Wonka's story (he's now the one who learns something and changes, not Charlie, after all), which felt a bit like watching a version of Cinderella in which Cinders winds up skipping the ball in order to sort out the emotional trauma of her Fairy Godmother. (Hmm. That might be fun, actually.)

Link

The songs were great.

Writing Remystified Part 1: Killing All Of Your Characters

For the first part of my attempt to make animation script-writing seem very difficult and strange I stress the importance of not trying to kill off as many of your characters as possible in every script that you write. Although the sudden, violent demise of your lead characters lends a potent emotional punch (especially in a pre-school animation about the friendship between a bear and an owl) it can make it difficult to proceed in the story. When I started as an animation writer (at age 18) I learnt this pretty quickly.

ME: And then on this page he dies.
THEY: What?? Why?
ME: Well, he was hit by an anvil. I got a passel of Lancets from of the library and read them ferociously over the weekend. I’m now fairly certain it would lead to spinal crushage and death.
THEY: But he can’t die!
ME: So the rest of the episode is his friends and family arranging the funeral, then going through his possessions…
THEY: Aaaaaghhh!!

However, eight years later, I’ve matured considerably.

ME: And then on this page he dies.
THEY: No he doesn’t.
ME: …OK.

Send Me Robotic Hats

Please feel free to send me any drawings, pictures or pasta based collages featuring Robotic Hats. I'd like some images to make this place look tasty and at the moment all I can provide is the effort you see before you. The email address is at the top of the page. I'll put any on here that I like and at the end of the year award a prize for the shiniest, most technologically sound hat.

Needs More Robot

Mega Morphs is, on the surface, a canny Transformers cash-in. Spiderman, the Hulk, Wolverine and Captain America find themselves facing a huge problem, and what’s the answer? Giant Robot Duplicates of themselves! Yes, of course… I can follow that reasoning. Even the idea of the Hulk operating a giant robot without it immediately zooming backwards into the sea.
Where it gets interesting for me is the realisation that this technique could be applied to, well, everything. The next series of 24 could feature a giant robot Jack Bauer, 10 foot long iron stubble, charging around speaking in an 120 decibel whisper with chunks the size of volkswagons falling off it as the day goes on. What West Wing episode wouldn’t be enlived by a huge mechanical President Bartlett, backed by a team of wise-cracking giant robot political aides?
What about the news? “Hello, I’m Huw Edwards , and this is the news… FROM WITHIN THE SKULL OF MY MASSIVE SUPER-DROID!”
Ratings. Winner.
Of course, Sports has already beaten us to it, as anyone who saw the giant Robotic Kelly Holmes that stood outside Stratford Tube Station could testify. Once London stole the Olympics it was just gone, no doubt to help build the countless stadia we promised, if they can pry the humongous Union Jack from its iron grip.
A giant robot lookalike in every house. That’s my dream. Of course, all the houses will have to be increased in size. And everything else. And then the giant robots will seem much less giant. But that’s what happens when any new technology spreads. That, and hundreds of people being accidentally crushed underfoot.